Day Fifteen

“What is it?” Ivan asked. “Hear enough of the cheep jokes?”

Alfie rolled his eyes. “Don’t you start.”

“Seriously, no more puns. We need to talk serious.”

Afie looked back to the room. He Maurice was doing some strange elephant dance and he could hear the puffin screaming with obnoxious laughter. “I know what you want me to do but I don’t think I can. Not after Julie. Seeing her laugh with Maurice made me feel. . .well, it made me feel like I don’t know anything about anything. I sided with Tom. I thought maybe Julie would be better off with us. You know?”

Ivan looked thoughtful. “I’m not sure about Julie,” he countered truthfully. “She’s a young child. Sarah is a grown woman who has lived a good life for a long time.”

Alfie nodded, understanding. “What was she like then? Before she got ill.”

Ivan took a deep inhalation and examined his fingernails. To Alfie’s surprise, his eyes were watery. “She was the type of woman who would give you a great karate chop if you looked at her the wrong way. She could crush apples in her hands and when I was a kid, I was scared of her. She has always been the backbone of her family. I can’t say she was thoughtful or reflective or any of that mushy stuff. Sarah was hard core. And believe me, Alf, she would not want to lie there with everyone looking at her and know she was completely helpless.”

Around them, nurses rushed about with their trays and supplies.

“So you want me to scare her into a heart attack.”

“If she opens her eyes again, yes. “ Ivan lowered his voice. “To be honest, I’m terrified if I don’t do something, she’s going to come over here and kick my lumpy ass.”

Alfie laughed. “Really Ivan. She wouldn’t do that.” He was thinking of Lucy. Hadn’t he thought she would give it to him when she found him again?

“If you knew her when she was healthy, you wouldn’t be laughing. She would never forgive me and if I weren’t already dead, she’d kill me.” Ivan looked serious and thoughtful. “And did I ever tell you the woman could carp like no other?”

Alfie still found this funny. Sometimes he had joked about people finding each other in the afterlife and having their revenge but he never thought there was anything in it. Just silly threats. But now he knew differently.

He was just about to go back to Sarah’s room when he sucked out and squeezed back into Elliot’s house. He landed awkwardly into the kitchen and was surprised to see Lucy waiting for him and not looking too happy about it.

“Really?” she asked Alfie. “You’re going to help him before you help out your own family?”

“What do you want me to do?”

Lucy glared at him. “Have a think about. The lad is going to have a heart attack before he hits 40 and the girl is going to end up god knows where. We can’t just let them do whatever they want to do.”

An alarm clock sounded and Alfie looked to Lucy. What on earth did she expect him to do? With a clarity that shocked him, an idea came to him. “I need Ivan!”

“What do you need him for?” Lucy was giving him one of her patented looks—the one that said he had better produce the goods or her was going to get it.

“What that boy needs is a girlfriend!” Alfie said proudly. “He needs to fall in love and get himself into shape to impress her.”

Lucy looked a Alfie as if he had lost his mind. “And Ivan can help?”

“Ivan’s the love doctor! He sets people up. He’s already had a really good score putting Clarice together with someone.”

“Clarice?”

“Yeah, the girl that used to bring me my Sunday roast!”

“Ivan put her together with someone?”

As if summoned, Ivan dropped in from the ether.

“Whoa,” he said, looking around. “I’ve never been here before.”

“It’s my son’s house,” Alfie told him.

As if on cue, Marvin came into the room, scratching himself through his bathrobe. Opening the fridge, he reached in, grabbed a beer and unceremoniously drained it before Ivan’s disbelieving eyes.

“He’s how old?” asked Ivan.

“Fourteen,” he and Lucy answered together.

Marvin went through his ritual of opening the freezer, taking out a burger and popping it into the microwave.

“I take it he doesn’t know how much cholesterol is in that thing?”

“I wouldn’t have thought so.”

Ivan shook his head. “That boy needs a girlfriend.”

Alfie met Lucy’s eyes. She nodded.

“Ivan, let’s make a deal.”

Ivan turned to look at him fully. He nodded to indicate he wasn’t adverse to a little dealing.

“If you can make Marvin fall in love, I’ll help you out with Sarah.”

“Done deal,” said Ivan. “Any requests on how we should make this happen?”

Alfie thought for a moment. The rock throwing trick was a stroke of genius but he couldn’t see how that would work on someone who didn’t seem keen on any sort of sport.

“Well we could watch how he interacts with others kids,” suggested Lucy. “He might be interested in someone already and just needs a little kick start.”

“You mean maybe I knock the books out of some girl’s hands as he’s walking past and he stops to help her pick them up?”

“Yes!” said Alfie. “That’s it! Ivan, you’re one clever guy..”

Ivan blew on his nails and polished them on his lapel. “Well, they do call me the love doctor.”

However, things did not go exactly as they had planned. Once Marvin picked up his books, they followed him on the assumption he would go straight to school. They had not even considered the possibility that Marvin would not even get to school. As soon as he had reached the top of his street, he turned in the opposite direction of school and used his mobile phone to send a message. When he reached a house, the door opened without Marvin even having to knock. He entered and Ivan, Alfie and Lucy were left outside.

“Anyone see a portal?” asked Alfie.

They walked around the house, looking carefully. Lucy had seen one in one of the house on the other side of the street but none on the house Marvin had entered.

“It looks like we’ll have to try later,” said Lucy with disappointment in her voice.

And so they trudged back to Elliot’s house where Caroline was just getting up.

Caroline was wearing a skirt that was hardly a skirt and so much makeup that Alfie wondered how on earth she could actually see.  Beside him, Lucy tutted and shook her head.

“Do you remember how carefree she used to be?” Lucy asked Alfie. “How she used to be so happy to see you?”

It pained Alfie to remember.

Ivan wondered off to the living room, presumably to give Alfie and Lucy time to think.

“Uh, Alfie?” Ivan called. “I think you had better come quick!”

They rushed down the hallway to see what Ivan had seen. The television was on the channel with the red and green dots. There was one that was flickering in red.

“Who?” Lucy asked.

“If I’m not mistaken,” Ivan said gravely, “It’s Caroline.”

“Just a second,” Lucy said and she was off.

“What on earth?”

“I don’t get it myself. Maybe she’s about to get hit by a bus or something.”

Alfie began to pace. He was not sure he could stop a bus. In fact, he was pretty sure there couldn’t be anything they could do.

From far off, they heard Lucy’s voice. “I got it,” she called. She sounded frightened but not surprised. Lucy came back down the stairs, her face looking grim.

“What is it, dear?” If Alfie could feel his heart, he knew it would be hammering away inside his chest.

“She’s ta

“She’s taken tablets,” Lucy said. “I don’t know what kind because II couldn’t see the label. But we need to think of a way to raise the alarm.”

“Follow her,” Ivan recommended. “We’ll think of something.”

Caroline kept her head down as she walked. There were lots of children her age around as she approached school. It broke Alfie’s heart that not one person said hello to her or joined her. If he had a stomach, he would have felt sick.

The school bell rang a few minutes after Caroline had entered.

Alfie was just about to suggest that Ivan crash into a boy so his books fell all over the place and Caroline helped him when he saw Maurice, the emperor penguin, the flamingo and the puffin walk down the corridor.

“Hello!” called Marvin. “Something told us you might be in need of our assistance!”

Alfie looked at Ivan.

“Look, my fine feathered friends. We didn’t ask for you, we have never thought we needed you and if the truth be told, we would rather be without you.”

“Oh, you’re breaking my wing,” said the flamingo. “Would you like a bit of peri peri sauce?”

The puffin threw back its colourful beak and roared.